Monofins, Mermaids, and Uni-Lards

Monofins?  I had no idea there was such a thing until recently.  Where have I been?

They have been around since the 70s.  Used by free-divers and “finswimmers”.   I think I saw them mentioned on a website for an excursion to swim with wild dolphins.   This makes sense because you use a technique called dolphin kick to “power” your fin.

I googled it and found mermaid shaped fins for kids.  Pink.  No thanks.  For us (semi) adults Finis seems to be the place to go if you want a monofin.  And I did.  I got one for my birthday.  While I was waiting for it to arrive, I walked  laid around… on the beach, on the couch, on the floor… and tried to make like a dolphin.  Or a wave. I was more like someone that needed an appendectomy.  I couldn’t seem to get it.

Finally, the package arrived.  I got goggles and a nose clip too.  Happy Birthday to me.

Getting the monofin on was a challenge.  Strapping your feet together and jumping in the Gulf of Mexico might not be sane.  Especially when you can’t get the hang of the kick.  Never mind.   The monofin and the dolphin kick were not meant to be practiced on dry land. (duh)  Add water and it’s MAGIC!

Since then I’ve been experimenting.  Trying it out in the pool.  In the Gulf.  Under water or on top of the water.  Snorkel gear or not.  I even jumped in when a mamma dolphin and her baby were headed my way.  She steered junior in a wide berth around me.  I imagine she  might have even covered his eyes.

I’ve been online more too.  I’ve found out some swimmers can go 8 mph with a monofin.  I watched a guy jump out of the water life a dolphin (YouTube).  All interesting.

Then I found  the Mertailor, Eric DuCharme.  As you might guess by the name, which I love, Eric makes mermaid tails.  I’m not even gonna try to describe how fantastic they are.  You gotta look for yourself. You’re probably gonna want one.  I know I do.

But the most fantastic of them are $2729.50.  That doesn’t include stripes or spots for your fluke or tail.  Or, for that matter a top.  At my age, I want more than the two seashells.  Something like the Dueling Octopus maybe? Add $344.50.

I think it might be worth it myself.  But I’m not sure Rollo agrees, so I won’t be expecting one for our coming anniversary.  Or checking my stocking next Christmas.

This price tag is what lead Rollo, ever the bargain shopper, to suggested I (we?)might make my own.  His thinking was that the monofin covers the working end of things – so why can’t you just find some decorative something to pull over the rest?  I least I hope that’s what he was thinking.  He says now he had something like a leotard in mind, but with a single leg.  He says now he thought a one-legged leotard would be called a Unitard.  What he said then was Uni-Lard.  

His exact words were “Can’t we just get you a Uni-Lard?”

 I don’t think it was an accident.  I think it might have been a comment on the size of my tail.  I don’t care.  Big tail, little tail, dolphin, mermaid, or manatee-someday I’m gonna glide through the water.


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