Abner Crumbly and Flinch

Ok. I know.  It’s clear that we do not shop at the upscale retailer who was in the news yesterday.  You didn’t need the photo to know that.  We do not shop much at all actually, so I wasn’t even sure who this retailer was.  Abner-something.

I am sort of allergic to malls.  I rarely go in. All the noise, the harsh light and color, the smell.  The SMELL.  Oh that one.   That’s Abner Crumbly? The one I have to take a deep breath, hold it, and run by the door?  No wonder I never went in.

Not that they want me.  For one, I am too old.  For two, I guess I am too fat.  Mike Jeffries, CEO of AbnerCrumbly Flinch explained the reason the store doesn’t carry over a size 10.

“We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends.”


Admittedly, I don’t get out much, but if this DUDE thinks all the attractive kids with  great attitudes and lots of friends wear a size 0, he’s the one that doesn’t get out much.  Maybe he never leaves the mall.  Maybe there’s not enough light in his stores to see the customers.  Maybe he has some sort of brain damage from whiffing all that cologne.

There’s a lot of outrage at his comments, which I’m sure he’s loving.  Lots of blog posts and letters  from parents vowing not to let their kids wear his brand.  I agree with them, but I don’t think they have to worry. Their kids are smarter than that.  And cooler.

I know kids probably don’t aspire to the look Rollo and I are rockin in the Christmas photo, but c’mon, they don’t what to look like THIS?!

What’s wrong with his face?

This, children, is what happens when you are a greedy, insensitive, 5&#@ creep.

Sorta scary looking on the outside, really scary on the inside.  Only my opinion of course.  Maybe I’m the insensitive one.

But he had rules for what sort of underwear the stewards on the company’s jet wore.  So much for rugged American individuality.  Can’t even choose your own undies?

He uses male models provide by the company as house staff.  Do they clean in their matching unders?!  I don’t think many of our cool kids with great attitudes aspire to that.  Just sayin.

He fired his pilot to replace him with a YOUNGER one?  Hel-lo?  How smart is that?  Let’s see what should I choose?  Flight hours and experience versus smooth skin?  Not smarter than the 5th grader whose parents now don’t want him in AbnerCrumbly.

I personally care more about how many planes the guy has landed than what he smells like.  And I don’t care at all about his underwear. eww. So, if this fool wants a first-day-on-the-job-last-in-his-class newbie eye candy pilot with AbnerCrumbly Flinch underwear rather than an experienced pilot? Have a good flight.  Good Luck.  If you know what I mean.

Mr. Flinch here was also quoted saying –

“A lot of people don’t belong, and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely.”

I say thank you to him for that. Exclude me.  please. I don’t want in that club and I’m betting a lot of the “attractive” kids with great attitudes-the smart, cool, funny, creative, empathetic ones that are going to rule the world – and from any country – don’t want in either. I hope they tell all their friends.

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